Handling the Sacred Bond

When Allah commands us in the Qur’an to “lower the gaze”, the message is often misinterpreted in purely literal terms—implying that we must constantly look downward or avoid eye contact. But if we reflect more deeply, we begin to understand that Allah is not asking us to walk through life with our heads bowed. Rather, He is inviting us to take full responsibility for how we process what we see. It’s about intentional restraint, not blind avoidance. It's about managing our thoughts and reactions, especially in moments where Satan seeks to influence our vulnerabilities.

Lowering the gaze means recognizing when a visual encounter may provoke jealousy, desire, comparison, or insecurity—and choosing to respond with awareness instead of impulse. It is an act of strength and discipline that shields the heart from infection. Shaytan’s goal is not merely to get us to see something harmful, but to implant feelings and assumptions that pull us away from sincerity and peace.

One of the first stories Allah tells us in the Qur’an is the story of Adam and Hawa. Shaytan’s jealousy toward them led him to deceive them into exposing their private parts—bringing upon them shame and embarrassment. This was not just a physical unveiling but a symbolic one. Satan was attempting to uncover and humiliate their loyalty to Allah by manipulating their sense of self and safety. This story is the blueprint of how Shaytan still operates today: using our insecurities and sensitivities to distort the natural trust we were created with.

In our current reality, jealousy is everywhere. It fuels competition, influences relationships, and often disguises itself as love or care. But jealousy, when left unexamined or uncontrolled, begins to control us. It corrupts our intentions, silences honest communication, and distorts our perception of trust.

Allah has given every human being a built-in system of detection—a kind of emotional and spiritual radar that allows us to recognize sincerity and falsehood. You can see this most clearly in children. Before they are influenced by ego or social pressure, they naturally gravitate toward those they trust. They are quick to detect discomfort or dishonesty. That same system exists in adults, but it can become fogged by pride, fear, or unhealed wounds.

The Qur’an is for all ages, but it strongly emphasizes the importance of moral and emotional maturity by the time a child reaches puberty. This is because puberty marks the beginning of a deeper accountability—the point when one becomes more susceptible to internal whispers and external pressures. This is also why, in marriage, communication becomes not just important—but sacred. If a spouse suppresses their truth out of fear of the other’s jealousy, then the trust between them becomes conditional. And when trust is conditional, love becomes performative.

In marriage, Allah calls us to sincerity. The commitment is not just physical or legal—it’s spiritual. It is a union that demands clarity, vulnerability, and self-awareness. If either spouse fears expressing their needs, feelings, or even observations due to how the other might react, then jealousy has already taken control. And the original purpose of the relationship—to reflect mercy, love, and mutual support—is lost.

I grew up in a household that often felt like a sitcom. My father had a playful nature and would openly make humorous remarks about a woman’s beauty. My mother never felt threatened by it because she knew him well. He, in turn, showed his appreciation for her care and support through his favorite saying: “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.” Watching this dynamic taught me the importance of allowing a man to feel comfortable being himself, embraced by a balance of confidence and natural authority. 

The word relationship includes the word "relate," and "ship," symbolizing a journey that both individuals must navigate together. When jealousy takes hold of one partner, it often says more about what they need to work on than what the other did wrong. If a spouse begins to tiptoe around the other's insecurities just to “please” them, then the relationship becomes a stage, not a sanctuary. It creates a false sense of confidence and safety, leaving both partners starved for real connection.

Allah speaks clearly in Surah An-Nisa (4:124–136), highlighting the reward for sincerity, the necessity of justice, and the importance of belief grounded in truth and balance. In verse 135, He commands: “Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even though it be against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin…” This includes our marriages. We are to uphold fairness and truth even when it feels uncomfortable or exposes a flaw within ourselves.

When jealousy is acknowledged, reflected upon, and purified through open dialogue, it becomes a teacher rather than a tyrant. It points to insecurities we need to work on, past wounds we need to heal, and fears we need to outgrow. It invites us to grow—not just as individuals—but together as a couple.

In the end, lowering the gaze is not about shame or restriction—it is about discernment. And in the same way, facing jealousy is not about avoiding conflict—it’s about choosing growth. Allah created us with emotions not to be ignored, but to be refined. In honoring them, with honesty and intention, we not only strengthen our relationships—we come closer to Allah Himself.

Surah An-Nisa 124-136

4:124
And whoever does righteous deeds, whether male or female, while being a believer — those will enter Paradise and will not be wronged, [even as much as] the speck on a date seed.

4:125
And who is better in religion than one who submits himself to Allah while being a doer of good and follows the religion of Abraham, inclining toward truth? And Allah took Abraham as an intimate friend.

4:126
And to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And ever is Allah, of all things, encompassing.

4:127
They request from you, [O Muhammad], a [legal] ruling concerning women. Say, "Allah gives you a ruling about them and about what has been recited to you in the Book concerning the orphan girls to whom you do not give what is decreed for them — and [yet] you desire to marry them — and concerning the oppressed among children and that you maintain for orphans [their rights] in justice." And whatever you do of good — indeed, Allah is ever Knowing of it.

4:128
And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them — and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah — then indeed Allah is ever Acquainted with what you do.

4:129
And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging. And if you amend [your affairs] and fear Allah — then indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.

4:130
But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise.

4:131
To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And We have instructed those who were given the Scripture before you and yourselves to fear Allah. But if you disbelieve — then to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And ever is Allah Free of need and Praiseworthy.

4:132
And to Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is over all things competent.

4:133
If He wills, He can do away with you, O people, and bring others [in your place]. And ever is Allah competent to do that.

4:134
Whoever desires the reward of this world — then with Allah is the reward of this world and the Hereafter. And ever is Allah Hearing and Seeing.

4:135
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.

4:136
O you who have believed, believe in Allah and His Messenger and the Book that He sent down upon His Messenger and the Scripture which He sent down before. And whoever disbelieves in Allah, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day has certainly gone far astray.

Surah Hajj

22:58
Those who emigrated for the cause of Allah and then were killed or died — Allah will surely provide for them a good provision, and indeed, it is Allah who is the best of providers.

22:59
He will surely admit them to Paradise, which He has made known to them.

22:60
And those who emigrated after they had been harmed — indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

22:61
And [they are] those who, if We give them victory over the people, establish prayer and give zakah and enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong. And to Allah belongs the outcome of [all] matters.

22:62
And if they deny you, [O Muhammad] — then already have those before them denied. Their messengers came to them with clear proofs and with scriptures and the enlightening Book.

22:63
Then I seized the ones who disbelieved, and how [terrible] was My reproach.

22:64
Do you not see that to Allah prostrates whoever is in the heavens and whoever is on the earth and the sun, the moon, the stars, the mountains, the trees, the moving creatures and many of the people? But upon many the punishment has been justified. And he whom Allah humiliates — for him there is no bestower of honor. Indeed, Allah does what He wills.

22:65
Allah is the one who created the heavens and the earth and whatever is between them in six days; then He established Himself above the Throne. You have not besides Him any protector or any intercessor; so will you not be reminded?

22:66
He directs the affair from the heaven to the earth; then it will ascend to Him in a Day, the extent of which is a thousand years of those which you count.

22:67
And to every nation We have appointed religious ceremonies that they may mention the name of Allah over what He has provided for them of [sacrificial] animals. For your god is one God, so to Him submit. And, [O Muhammad], give good tidings to the humble.

22:68
Who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts are fearful, and the patient over what has afflicted them, and the establishers of prayer and those who spend from what We have provided them.

22:69
And the camels and cattle We have appointed for you as among the symbols of Allah; for you therein is good. So mention the name of Allah upon them when lined up [for sacrifice]; and when they are [lifeless] on their sides, then eat from them and feed the needy and the beggar. Thus have We subjected them to you that you may be grateful.

22:70
We have not created the heavens and earth and whatever is between them in play.

22:71
Had We intended to take a diversion, We could have taken it from [what is] with Us — if [that is so] — indeed, We would have done so.

22:72
Rather, We send the truth down, and it abolishes falsehood, and thereupon it disappears. And for you is destruction from that which you describe.

22:73
O people, an example is presented, so listen to it. Indeed, those you invoke besides Allah will never create [as much as] a fly, even if they gathered together for that purpose. And if the fly should steal away from them a [tiny] thing, they could not recover it from him. Weak are the pursuer and pursued.

22:74
They have not appraised Allah with true appraisal. Indeed, Allah is Powerful and Exalted in Might.

22:75
Allah chooses from the angels messengers and from the people. Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.

22:76
He knows what is before them and what will be after them, and to Allah will be returned [all] matters.

22:77
O you who have believed, bow and prostrate and worship your Lord and do good — that you may succeed.

22:78
And strive for Allah with the striving due to Him. He has chosen you and has not placed upon you in the religion any difficulty. [It is] the religion of your father, Abraham. Allah named you "Muslims" before [in former scriptures] and in this [revelation] that the Messenger may be a witness over you and you may be witnesses over the people. So establish prayer and give zakah and hold fast to Allah. He is your protector; and excellent is the protector, and excellent is the helper.

Surah Taha

20:114
So high [above all] is Allah, the Sovereign, the Truth. And, [O Muhammad], do not hasten with the Quran before its revelation is completed to you, and say, "My Lord, increase me in knowledge."

20:115
And We had already taken a promise from Adam before, but he forgot; and We found not in him determination.

20:116
And [mention] when We said to the angels, "Prostrate to Adam," and they prostrated, except for Iblis. He refused.

20:117
So We said, "O Adam, indeed this is an enemy to you and to your wife. Then let him not remove you from Paradise so you would suffer."

20:118
Indeed, it is [promised] for you not to be hungry therein or be unclothed.

20:119
And indeed, you will not be thirsty therein or be hot from the sun.

20:120
But Satan whispered to him; he said, "O Adam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?"

20:121
And Adam and his wife ate of it, and their private parts became apparent to them, and they began to fasten over themselves from the leaves of Paradise. And Adam disobeyed his Lord and erred.

20:122
Then his Lord chose him and turned to him in forgiveness and guided [him].

20:123
[Allah] said, "Descend from Paradise — all, [your descendants] being enemies to one another. And if there should come to you guidance from Me — then whoever follows My guidance will neither go astray [in the world] nor suffer [in the Hereafter]."

20:124
But whoever turns away from My remembrance — indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind."

20:125
He will say, "My Lord, why have You raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?"

20:126
[Allah] will say, "Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten."

20:127
And thus do We recompense he who transgressed and did not believe in the signs of his Lord. And the punishment of the Hereafter is more severe and more lasting.

20:128
Then did you not consider the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and whatever Allah has created, and [that] it may be that your appointed time has come near?

20:129
So in what statement hereafter will they believe?

20:130
So be patient, [O Muhammad]. Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth. And ask forgiveness for your sin and exalt [Allah] with praise of your Lord in the evening and the morning.

20:131
Indeed, those who dispute concerning the signs of Allah without [any] authority having come to them — there is nothing in their breasts except pride, and they are arrogant.

20:132
And establish prayer and give zakah and obey the Messenger — that you may receive mercy.

20:133
Never did those who disbelieve among the people of the cities believe until there came to them the clear evidence.

20:134
And if We had destroyed them with a punishment before him, they would have said, "Our Lord, why did You not send to us a messenger so we could have followed Your verses before we were humiliated and disgraced?"

20:135
Say, "Each [of us] is waiting; so wait. For you will know who are the companions of the sound path and who is guided."