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There’s so much judgment you can face just for trying to follow Allah’s guidance — and the vague perceptions people hold about you can keep you feeling trapped. I cut off all the obvious things we grew up thinking Allah was trying to deprive us of. But in the end, Allah is really calling on us to test and try ourselves.Through the silent challenges I’ve endured — whether anyone acknowledges my independence or not — I went through darkness and loneliness that helped me get to know myself, correct my behaviors, and discover the value of patience. That patience became part of my healing and deepened the sincerity of my prayers.Giving Allah a good loan, like cutting off music, covering up more, or stepping back to reflect on the unseen signs He makes evident — is ultimately something that benefits us, not Him. Because if we truly see and understand ourselves, we remove what blinds us from recognizing His signs. Allah didn’t make us robots who just recite words; He gave us the freedom to choose and the responsibility to seek truth sincerely.Some people still choose to misuse the message of Islam — twisting the literal wording of Qur’anic guidance into executive power to control or judge others. But Allah is clearly guiding us to uphold His judgment alone as what truly matters — and He is the One who appoints the results of our actions in this life according to His perfect balance and justice.That’s why Allah had me experience places like jails and mental hospitals: to witness firsthand the unseen layers of both struggle and solution. Inside those places, even the service workers unknowingly reflect the unseen workings of angels, the reality of divine law, and the effects of the unseen jinn — while they document, protect, and enforce systems that echo Qur’anic principles of accountability.As Allah tells us in Surah Al-Hadid, verse 25:“We sent aforetime Our Messengers with clear proofs, and revealed with them the Scripture and the Balance, that mankind may keep up justice. And We sent down iron, wherein is mighty power (in matters of war), as well as many benefits for mankind…” This verse is a reminder that Allah’s message, His Book, and even the tangible strength He gives (like iron, law, or authority) are tools meant to uphold real justice — not to serve corruption, pride, or personal agendas. This shows that the material world and the spiritual law are intertwined: strength and justice are meant to serve truth, not oppression.In Surah Adh-Dhariyat, Allah swears by the winds that scatter, the clouds that bear heavy loads, the ships that glide with ease, and the angels who distribute affairs by His command — all signs pointing to the unseen precision behind worldly order. These verses teach us that even the invisible forces around us are balanced and guided by His will.When Allah tells us in several places that He spread out the earth, making it spacious and flat (like in 51:48: “And the earth — We have spread it out, how excellently We prepared it!”), it’s a reflection of mercy and design: so we can live, build, and find our way. This “flatness” isn’t merely geographical; it’s part of the perfect order and balance He created — so that truth, justice, and the unseen forces working in our lives can manifest on this vast canvas of the earth.Allah’s decree is balanced, purposeful, and vast. Our role isn’t just to witness it, but to honor it — by living with justice, humility, and trust in the unseen wisdom behind every detail of His creation. At the end of the day, the test isn’t about controlling others or appearing righteous — but about living in a way that keeps justice alive, knowing that Allah alone holds the balance and final judgment.

I Run for Peace

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The Qur’an isn’t just a guidebook of do’s and don’ts — it’s divinely designed to heal and confront the most dangerous enemy we all face in life: the ego. The real battle isn’t outside of us; it’s within. And that battle is what makes the Qur’an profoundly relevant both for the one who suffers from narcissistic abuse and the one who becomes the abuser.At its root, narcissistic abuse is an unchecked ego: the part of us that insists on being right, being worshipped, being superior — no matter who it harms. But the Qur’an pierces through this self-made illusion, reminding us that our worth and judgment don’t belong to us, but to Allah ﷻ alone.The Qur’an calls us to purify our intentions for one another — to see each other not as threats or trophies, but as fellow souls created by the same Lord. Because without this spiritual humility, the only thing left to guide us is our ego — and that’s exactly where Iblis succeeded: planting seeds of arrogance, self-worship, and envy that bloom into division, cruelty, and denial of truth.This denial isn’t harmless. It becomes a self-made veil: a delusion that offers just enough false security for someone to believe that their version of the truth is reality — even when Allah makes the actual truth painfully clear. It starts with a single thought. But what matters is how we entertain it: whether we allow it to grow into stubbornness, jealousy, or mockery — or whether we face it, check it, and return to sincerity.If we choose to bruise, dismiss, or disrespect the truth — we’re not just harming others. We’re setting ourselves up for future lessons Allah sends our way, lessons meant to humble and correct us.&nbsp;Allah even tells us that our very bodies will testify against us on the Day of Judgment — a live witness to every intention, word, and action. This is a reminder that nothing is hidden, even what we try to bury under pride or self-justification.In Surah Fussilat (41:25), Allah says:“And We have appointed for them (devils) intimate companions (in this world), who made fair‑seeming to them what was before them and what was behind them; and the Word (torment) is justified against them among generations of jinn and mankind that have passed away before them; verily they were ever disbelievers.” This verse warns us that arrogance and denial don’t happen by accident — they become reinforced over time by unseen forces, eventually leading us to follow the path of Satan without even realizing it. And remember: the Qur’an wasn’t revealed by coincidence or human timing. Allah chose the exact moment in human history to seal the message — giving us the final, preserved manual on how to return our souls to Him in purity.That is why the Qur’an stands as the ultimate cure for narcissistic abuse: ✨ For the beholder, it’s a shield that helps them see through manipulation and reclaim their dignity. ✨ For the perpetrator, it’s a mirror exposing the disease of the ego, offering a path to repentance before it’s too late.Conveying this message — that the Holy Qur’an is Allah’s final message for all of mankind, given in respect of our differences — has itself been one of the greatest challenges.Because ultimately, some egos perceive it as a direct confrontation of their own existence. They see my stance as if I’m trying to wield control, seek validation, or chase fame — or they jump to the idea that I’m trying to force them to convert.In reality, my approach has always been about conveying insight that is confirmed — evidence that already exists if only the heart would allow the eyes to see it. Yet the delicate delivery of a raw truth will always be met with argument, disagreement, and rejection.It’s not surprising when we remember Allah’s first warning to humanity. The very first lesson revealed to us was about how Satan hypnotized the first of His creation into trusting that eating from the tree would be harmless — even though Allah, with His supreme wisdom, had advised against it. That single act was not just disobedience, but the seed of arrogance and self-justification — the ego that says, “I know better than what Allah is guiding.”And in this sensitive reality, Allah has entrusted me — like anyone striving sincerely — to renew the concept of faith within the delicate dimensions of our shared human story: a story of family, temptation, and divine mercy.Yet Satan himself is still casting out his nets, fishing for hosts who will actively sync with his influence — turning them against Allah’s message. And what does he use? ✨ Their temperaments. ✨ Their fears. ✨ And their inherent intentions that lean more toward protecting the ego than embracing the truth.That’s the real battlefield: it’s not between me and them; it’s between the purified truth that Allah makes evident, and the ego’s desperate fight to deny it. And the Qur’an was revealed to break that illusion — to heal both the abused and the abuser — and to remind every soul that the final return is to Allah alone.The debate is always going to be that there is no real reason for a debate — and that’s exactly what Allah confirms in 27:93 (Muhsin Khan):“And say: ‘All the praises and thanks be to Allah. He will show you His signs, and you shall recognize them. And your Lord is not unaware of what you do.’” Because when we filter out the ego, we’ve done the actual work of integrity — and that integrity will never fail us or mislead us away from the truth.My husband’s arrest, which happened before mine, is also part of this family trial. This is dually focused on both of us, and through it I’m proving that I’ve never been his enemy. His arrest didn’t get pursued the same way mine did — because Allah was testing the authorities themselves: to see how willing they were to uphold His message, to act with the proper moral code that’s already instilled in the American justice system.Or would they choose instead to entertain the vulnerability of my indirect cousin’s case being their ally in authority, protect the cause of corruption, keep me on the backburner, honor the crime — and then burn me for the finisher?In the end, the debate was never really needed — the problem has always been the ego that refuses to see it and it will always try to deny, divide, and destroy. But the Qur’an will always call us to remember, unite, and heal.&nbsp; In Surah Al-Ahzab (33:56), Allah beautifully shows His immense regard for Prophet Muhammad ﷺ by declaring that He and His angels send blessings upon the Prophet. This isn’t just an honor for the Prophet alone — it’s also a sign for us to understand the importance of loving, respecting, and sincerely following the Prophet’s Sunnah and guidance.It also reflects something deeper: that Allah, in His mercy, will show similar regard to all of His servants who strive to clarify and purify their souls in respect to the Qur’an and the Prophet’s path. By aligning ourselves sincerely with this guidance, we open ourselves to His divine favor and protection.Then, in verse 57, Allah warns that mocking, harming, or regressing from what the Prophet brought — and from the truth Allah makes evident — is ultimately a destructive and fruitless choice. It brings no real benefit and only distances the heart from faith and clarity. 33:56 “Allah sends His Salât (Graces, Honours, Blessings, Mercy) on the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ) and also His angels (ask Allah to bless and forgive him). O you who believe! Send your Salât on (ask Allah to bless) him (Muhammad ﷺ), and (you should) greet (salute) him with the Islamic way of greeting (salutation i.e. As-Salâmu ‘Alaikum).” 33:57 “Verily, those who annoy Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad ﷺ) Allah has cursed them in this world, and in the Hereafter, and has prepared for them a humiliating torment.” Together, these verses remind us that following the Prophet ﷺ isn’t just about ritual — it’s about transforming our inner state, rooting out arrogance, and humbling ourselves before the truth Allah made clear, so we can truly receive His blessings.

Faith is Built in the Heart, Filter the Ego

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🌿 Reflections of Inner Truth: How Mental Depictions Reveal What We Truly Hold In the gradual unfolding of divine wisdom, Allah (SWT) teaches us that our perceptions and mental depictions are not simply private thoughts floating harmlessly in the mind. They are reflections of the inner truth we carry — an inner truth that, by Allah’s decree, inevitably shapes our reality.As the Qur’an tells us:“Those who reject Our Ayat (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.), We shall gradually seize them with punishment in ways they perceive not.” (Qur’an 7:182, Muhsin Khan) This verse shows a deeply significant reality: rejection of truth is never neutral. It is an active process that draws gradual consequences. Allah’s signs, whatever form they take — insight, knowledge, natural wonders, moments of moral clarity — enter the heart and mind like seeds. Whether those seeds blossom into gratitude and guidance, or wither into denial and destruction, depends on what we intentionally choose to nurture within.&nbsp; 🌙 The Parable of Night and Day, Flame and Light Allah teaches us through contrasts in creation: night and day, angels and devils, flame and light. Both flame and light are forms of illumination, but their nature and effects differ entirely.✨ Light, in the Qur’anic sense, is clarity, purity, and proof. It dissolves illusions, corrects false depictions, and brings peace to the heart. It is steady and unifying, guiding the mind and soul toward what pleases Allah. Light does not entertain illusions; it strips them away so that truth can be seen in its fullness.🔥 Flame, in contrast, is restless and consuming. Though it provides brightness, it is fueled by denial, pride, and selfish desire. It leaps unpredictably, feeding fear and fame from one spark to the next, until what remains is only the debris of a hardened ego. Those who follow what angers Allah rather than what pleases Him choose this flame — and their inner depictions become divisive, destructive, and fleeting.In these contrasts, Allah shows us that our mental depictions — how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world — either reflect the light of truth or burn with the flame of denial. And in the end, what we choose to reflect is what shapes our destiny.&nbsp; 🌿 The Test of Gratitude: Holding the Vital Compass Yet Allah, in His mercy, does not leave us without a guide. Gratitude is that guide — a vital compass that keeps our hearts aligned with truth. In another verse, He says:“A vision of delight for every devoted worshipper, And We send down blessed water from the sky, then We grow thereby gardens and grain for harvest, And tall date-palms with ranged clusters, As a provision for (Allah’s) slaves. And We give life therewith to a dead land. Thus will be the Resurrection.” (Qur’an 50:8–11, Muhsin Khan) Every sign in creation — rain, gardens, fruit — is a lesson in gratitude. It reminds us that life, sustenance, and even clarity of mind are gifts from Allah. And Allah commands the angels to take record of what we intentionally hold in our hearts: our gratitude, sincerity, and devotion.Our gratitude is not passive; it is an active holding on to what is good, pure, and true, even in times of test. And Allah will surely test us to confirm the truth of that gratitude — to see whether our hearts truly reflect His light, or whether we merely speak of it.&nbsp; 🌱 Fear vs. Reality: A Reflection Often, it is our fear of confronting truth that is worse than reality itself. The fear, born from denial, doubt, and ego, becomes a flame that grows stronger the more we feed it. But reality — the truth as Allah shows it — brings clarity, even if it humbles us. Light exposes, corrects, and ultimately frees.By contrast, denial leads to gradual destruction, as Allah warns: rejection invites punishment “in ways they perceive not.” The consequence unfolds quietly, just as a disease may progress unnoticed, until its signs become undeniable.&nbsp; 🌿 Choosing What to Reflect Our mental depictions and perceptions are deeply spiritual acts; they are not hidden from Allah. Through them, Allah gradually reveals to us who we truly are: whether we are people of light or people of flame.To protect and purify our inner truth, we must intentionally hold on to gratitude, seek what pleases Allah, and choose light over illusion. By doing so, our perceptions stop being shadows of fear and become mirrors of clarity — reflections of a heart aligned with divine truth.And in the end, what we choose to reflect is what Allah will confirm, magnify, and ultimately reward.39:63 “To Him belong all the keys of the heavens and the earth. And those who disbelieve in the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allah, such are they who will be the losers.” 39:64 “Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to the polytheists, etc.): ‘Do you order me to worship other than Allah O you fools?’ ” 39:65 “And indeed it has been revealed to you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم), as it was to those (Allah’s Messengers) before you: ‘If you join others in worship with Allah, (then) surely (all) your deeds will be in vain, and you will certainly be among the losers.’ ” 39:66 “Nay! But worship Allah (Alone and none else), and be among the grateful.” 39:67 “They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him. And on the Day of Resurrection the whole of the earth will be grasped by His Hand and the heavens will be rolled up in His Right Hand. Glorified is He, and High is He above all that they associate as partners with Him!” 39:68 “And the Trumpet will be blown, and all who are in the heavens and all who are on the earth will swoon away, except him whom Allah wills. Then it will be blown a second time and behold they will be standing, looking on (waiting).” 39:69 “And the earth will shine with the light of its Lord (Allah, when He will come to judge among men), and the Book will be placed (open), and the Prophets and the witnesses will be brought forward, and it will be judged between them with truth, and they will not be wronged.” 39:70 “And each person will be paid in full of what he did; and He is Best Aware of what they do.”

Be the Light-Orbit the Match

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In Surah Al-‘Adiyat, Allah paints a powerful image: of horses charging forward, panting, sparking fire with their hooves, invading at dawn with suddenness and force. On the surface, this scene depicts the momentum of war or pursuit. But beneath the surface, there’s something far more relevant to our everyday lives—the way groups of people, societies, or ideologies charge together toward a goal, often under the illusion of authority or justice.These verses can be read as a metaphor for how the collective energy of a society can build adrenaline toward suspicion, and how this suspicion is sustained—not by truth—but by a shared emotional charge to validate their narrative. That adrenaline becomes addictive, convincing participants that their involvement is necessary, even noble. But in truth, they may be chasing not justice, but control—control over perception, over outcomes, over others’ lives.And so Allah reminds us:"Indeed, mankind is ungrateful to his Lord." (100:6) This ungratefulness is not just about denying provisions or blessings—it is the moral blindness to the responsibility we have in preserving truth when we act, speak, or judge. "And indeed, he is to that a witness." (100:7) Allah declares that we already know our faults before we act on them. Deep inside, we are aware of the moments we’re tempted to gain favor, to hide our insecurities behind pride, or to play a role in social dynamics just to stay accepted. This self-witnessing is the wealth Allah refers to—not gold, not status—but moral clarity. Yet,"And indeed he is, in love of wealth, intense." (100:8) The "wealth" here, as you powerfully noted, is not material. It is social capital—being seen, being needed, being validated. It’s the currency of influence. And we often chase it at the cost of our integrity. Society programs us to respond through fight, flight, or fawn—especially in environments where judgment and speculation are treated as tools of control. People carry heat for others’ lives as if they own them, projecting their fear of loss, their jealousy, or their ego. This heat isn’t authority. It’s noise.But Allah is not distracted by this noise."Does he not know that when the contents of the graves are scattered, and what is in the breasts is obtained..." (100:9–10) Allah warns us that every hidden thought, every motive disguised as virtue, will be exposed. Because ultimately, the truth doesn’t belong to people—it belongs to Allah. And the soul’s real duty is not to be validated by others, but to uphold the truth embedded in its chest. This surah, then, is a sharp reminder that the illusion of control and influence in groupthink or society is not power—it’s peril. We can run from Allah in shame or hide in the crowd, but that won’t change the truth we carry within.Integrity, therefore, is the only true wealth. And Allah, Al-Khabeer (The All-Aware), already knows the intentions behind every step we take.

Reflection on Surah Al-‘Adiyat: The Wealth of Integrity

The deepening of my faith over the years has honestly turned out to be the biggest misunderstanding—mostly because of the attention it got along the way. I’ve explained before in my blogs: I’m Muslim, I grew up that way. But I didn’t embrace it wholeheartedly from the start. It happened slowly, indirectly—more like a gradual unfolding. As life moved forward, so did my need to understand my issues.I was always at some kind of crossroads—or just plain stuck. And that’s why my father’s death ended up being Allah’s way of seizing my heart and forcing me to finally confront things I didn’t even know I was ignoring. I had already been doing my own version of self-discovery—unlearning bad habits, eating healthier, exercising, spending time alone—because I could feel the heaviness of my circumstances. I was trying to manage things in a thoughtful way, filling my time with meaningful distractions like helping others, while still trying to give myself some attention too.When Allah prompted me to wear the niqab, it came at a time where had I ignored that guidance, I would’ve left myself open—vulnerable. It would’ve cost me all the internal work I had put into deepening my faith. The niqab wasn’t just a piece of cloth—it came to secure me from the insecurities I had let run the show for too long. It protected the part of me that needed spiritual arbitration, and it simultaneously taught me about Allah’s presence, His help, and all the layered details involved in the different aspects of my divorce.Wearing the niqab reflected the struggle within—but it also showed me how easy Allah actually is with us. We’re the ones who assume He’s waiting for us to hit some impossible standard, when really, He just wants sincerity. As I transitioned outwardly, the inward challenges kept adjusting, retracting, shifting too. It was a constant internal machine in motion—I was trying to stay in flow with Allah’s guidance, and remain as open and receptive as possible.And I can’t say that wearing the niqab made life easier—but I can say Allah made life hard enough that wearing the niqab became the easier path. It steadied me through a lot: exiting my marriage, grieving my sister at a sensitive time, managing social dynamics for the sake of my children, and preserving the respect they deserved while their parents parted ways. And in the midst of all that, I was still trying to hold space for the misunderstandings that came with the bold decisions I had to make.But what I didn’t expect was that it was also preparation for another chapter—one I could’ve never imagined. The arrest. A wrongful judgment after an altercation with my husband. What happened that morning was misread, but I knew even then—it was naseeb. Because I wouldn’t have had the strength to process and close out the difficult phases of my divorce without that moment pushing me to face the deeper truths. Everything I had learned—through my marriage, my kids, parenting, even having my mother-in-law live with us—came to help me navigate what followed after my arrest and time in jail.None of it was a coincidence. It wasn’t fair. But it was part of what had to happen. And for someone like me—someone who always sees the paradox in every trial, and the contradiction in what seems normal—it made sense in its own way. Whenever I felt bound, or misunderstood, or completely alone, I reminded myself: this wasn’t personal from the outside. It was internal. I was chasing a balance that could only come through Allah.Because I know Allah talks business in His own way. He finds ways to buy me time—but that time is the test. And it always comes with results, lessons, and knowledge I didn’t know I needed. That’s why He emphasizes patience. Because the more you learn, the more you grow. And He set me apart from the kind of growth society praises.I had to let go of the fact that I went from being an honor roll student to someone life seemed to set up for failure. I had to accept that I had a free ride—didn’t have to worry about money or providing—and instead of wasting that, I used it to get real. To face life raw, truthfully, and with gratitude for whatever I had.“With hardship comes ease.” Not before. With. That verse doesn’t just repeat—it circles back again and again. Because ease is found inside the hardship. Not after the checklist is done, not once the story wraps neatly.I’ve been misunderstood, misjudged, and unfairly underestimated—not just because I wear niqab, not just because of what happened during and after my arrest—but because this entire path was never for the people watching. It was by Allah’s design.And if there’s any so-called coincidence in it all, it’s that there are no coincidences. Not when Allah is the One flipping the script. Not when He’s the Executive Producer of it all. And how far we drift when we start thinking a simple veil is enough to vilify a person—as if what’s covered could somehow be more offensive than what’s been exposed. But that’s the test, isn’t it?Not of the veil itself. But of what you think the veil is trying to hide.That is exactly why Allah chose me to embark on His journey—to get to know all the ins and outs I needed in order to learn the truth of my circumstances, while simultaneously protecting me from knowing the whole truth. Because that’s how He hones us—for the so-called “coincidence” He always had instilled.Giving your matters to Allah doesn’t ever just mean we speak it in prayer. It means He raises descendants who are coincidence slayers—those chosen to break the cycle, live the paradox, and walk the path that doesn’t make sense to anyone else… until Allah reveals the meaning.

Taking Off to Veil

Statue of Liberty and New York City Skyline with Manhattan Financial District, World Trade Center, Empire State Building and Blue Sky.

Many people live under the illusion that free will means freedom from consequence. They think that if they choose not to participate in something, or if they turn their gaze away from it, they are exempt from the weight of responsibility. In the same way, here in this country, freedom of speech is often misunderstood as a personal badge of authority — as though simply having the right to speak elevates every opinion into an untouchable truth.But reality — the deeper, more sobering reality — is that both free will and freedom of speech come with limits. Limits that are woven into the very fabric of creation, decreed by Allah. Free will is not a shield against the natural law of cause and effect, nor against the divine law of accountability. Similarly, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from the consequences of what is said — especially when words are used to harm, mislead, or corrupt.As Muslims, we are especially vulnerable to being caught between these two worldly pressures. On one side, we may fall prey to the intimidation that comes with the misuse of "freedom" — whether it's the pressure to stay silent in the face of falsehood, or the fear of being labeled, judged, or isolated for speaking the truth. On the other side, we may find ourselves tempted to believe that because we are free to choose, we are free from responsibility — that if we simply abstain from the chaos around us, we will be untouched by it.But Allah reminds us otherwise. "And fear a trial which will not strike those who have wronged among you exclusively, and know that Allah is severe in penalty." (Qur'an 8:25) Silence, ignorance, and avoidance do not grant immunity. Choices, even the choice to look away, bear fruit — whether good or bad.This is why even personal choices have limits: not to suffocate us, but to protect the delicate balance between individual freedom and collective justice. Free will teaches us where our freedom ends and where someone else’s right begins — and that is how we preserve fairness while still honoring the trust Allah placed in us.If free will is exercised without accountability, it becomes oppression. If freedom is pursued without moral boundaries, it becomes chaos. Thus, the very existence of free will teaches us that real freedom only survives when we respect the rights of others, when we uphold justice, and when we acknowledge that our choices are seen by Allah, who is the ultimate Judge.In a society that glorifies individual authority, it becomes even more critical for the Muslim heart to stay anchored. Free will is a gift — but a test. Freedom of speech is a right — but a trust. They are both a responsibility. Both are weighed, measured, and judged by Allah, not by public opinion. It is our duty to use them carefully, to recognize their limits, and to remain steadfast in our submission to divine truth over worldly clamor.

Blog | Soul Air Reality

I Run for Peace

Faith is Built in the Heart, Filter the Ego

Be the Light-Orbit the Match

Reflection on Surah Al-‘Adiyat: The Wealth of Integrity

Taking Off to Veil

How to Say Know